clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
