Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
