I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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