I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
