you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
