is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
