I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
