Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
