The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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