oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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