How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
