Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
