I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
