y did u give ur computer a hand job?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Shame - the story of my life.
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