Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
