i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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