I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
