I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
