Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize