this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
