we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
