Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
