thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
