He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
