You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
