All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
They took my balls.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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