margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Randomize
