those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize
