thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
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