I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Come see our sink grown plant.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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