woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Terrible idea I love it
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
