well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Randomize
