those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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