What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
