Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
