Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
