I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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