How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Duck Duck Cougar?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
