Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
