I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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