no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
