Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
