I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
