Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
