I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
