i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
