I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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