Well apparently he's into motor boating.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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