If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
