im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize