why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
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