the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Shame - the story of my life.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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