i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize