I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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