Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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