i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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