I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
So many bounce houses so little time
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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