Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
