Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
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