You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
