Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize