were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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