A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
