talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
