Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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