I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
